What I Perceive of How I’m Perceived

Today I’d like to share with you some of my observations about what I see as my place in Thai society and some of the ethnic population’s attitudes that I encounter in my everyday life. I hope that you find it interesting.
My Aspirations and My Understandings
I endeavour to be a well integrated member of Thai society. I live in an apartment block that is populated mostly by ethnic Thai people. I eat Thai food. I eat at commonplace everyday Thai food outlets (as opposed to tourist or expat places). I mix predominantly with Thai people. I have Thai friends. I speak only Thai most of the time. I walk the walk. I talk the talk. But I don’t aspire to be Thai. And even if I did aspire to be Thai, I know that it wouldn’t be possible.
I understand that my thought processes, my behaviours, and my values are ethnically European. If I lived in Thailand for another hundred years, I’m certain that those three things would not change at all. I will always remain ethnically European.
And I understand too that although I am warmly welcomed into Thai society in general and the local Thai community in particular I am always viewed by Thai people as an outsider and a foreigner. I doubt that I will ever be accepted, even by the closest of my Thai friends, as a bona fide, fully paid up, community member.
The Attitudes that Thai People Display Towards Me
In my everyday life I usually encounter one of three main responses to my presence from Thai people whom I don’t know or whom I know only casually. All three of these responses originate from an awareness of my racial and ethnic origin. The first two of these responses I can understand and define. I would define them as Positive Prejudice and Negative Bias, and I will tell you a little about them first. The third attitude that I encounter I find less easy to define.
Positive Prejudice
I would define Positive Prejudice in this context as the desire to treat me warmly and with unwarranted respect for no reason other than that I am a foreigner. Positive Prejudice is the attitude that I’ve encountered most often since I’ve been living in Thailand. I would estimate that no less than ninety percent of Thais that I meet display Positive Prejudice towards me. Thais really are exceedingly nice and very welcoming people.
This Positive Prejudice manifests itself in a number of ways. For example, often people will go out of their way to engage me in conversation (sometimes in a rather forced and unnatural way) and will appear to cherish every word that I say, as if they’re listening to the wise words of a newly discovered sage. And some people go to excessive lengths to ensure my comfort and wellbeing. Also I am frequently humoured. I commonly find that even if I make the weakest of jokes my newfound audience will laugh as if they’ve never heard anything so funny in their lives before. And any statement that I make, trivial, trite, boring, or profound, will be greeted as if it’s a most fascinating revelation.
I like it when people treat me with positive prejudice, and I accept positive prejudice with the grace, warmth, kindness, and understanding with which it is given. But I do find it slightly bizarre. It feels odd to me that people should treat me so generously for no other reason than that I’m from a foreign country and a foreign culture.
I’ve often pondered about the origin of positive prejudice within Thai society. I think that there can be little doubt that such a charitable attitude reflects the kind, warm, welcoming, and generous nature of Thai people. But I suspect also that it reflects that westerners’ countries are viewed with a hint of glamour, and that some of that glamour rubs off on we undeserving immigrants. We come from the countries that produce rock stars, sporting superstars, international celebrities, and of course aeroplanes, luxury cars, and many other “glamorous” products. I sometimes suspect that we, the expat community in Thailand, benefit from our homelands’ perceived opulence and glamour.
Negative Bias
I would define Negative Bias in this context as the expressed desire to treat me poorly for no reason other than that I am a foreigner. I am pleased to report that this is an attitude that I rarely encounter. I wish that I never encountered it.
In its gentlest form Negative Bias is usually expressed by people attempting to ignore me in an “If you don’t talk to it, it might go away” kind of manner. Maybe someone will not reply to me when I speak, or will not reply and then turn and ask somebody else nearby, “What did he say?” Or worse still someone might reply to me in a rude, derogatory, and demeaning fashion. In its worst form Negative Bias expresses itself as hostility. There’s no debate to be had here. On the rare occasions that I encounter Negative Bias I know that the only sensible thing that I can do is to walk away.
I don’t fully understand Negative Bias, and I don’t care to speculate as to its origin. It is my understanding that people who indulge in Negative Bias see us immigrants as the polluters of society and the causes of much of what is wrong in Thailand. There are people with similar such beliefs in all countries all over the world. Fortunately people with such beliefs and attitudes seem to be less common here in Thailand than in many other countries.
The third attitude that I sometimes encounter I would describe as “strange”. I encounter it far more often than I encounter negative bias. It generally reveals itself during my second meeting with a new acquaintance. The first meeting was invariably affable. The second meeting would probably be a chance meeting, and always informal i.e. I bump into this person in the street or at a local shop.
The ensuing conversation, which I would have intended to be no more than a casual exchange of pleasantries, almost always progresses as follows:-
Me: “Hello. How are you today?”
New Acquaintance: “Not very well”.
Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. What’s the matter?”
New Acquaintance: “I’ve got no money”. (in Thai: “mai mee tang” – this is always the expression used).
I usually conclude a conversation that has progressed in this fashion at this point with a platitude such as, “That’s life”, or even by repeating the words “mai mee tang” and then adding “cow-jie laow”, which I will translate here as “Now I understand”.
What I find odd about the above conversation is that my new acquaintance would not have made the above responses to a Thai person. Therefore I deduce that his or her very unnatural responses to me are motivated by nothing other than the fact that that I’m a foreigner. But why?
And what I find even more odd is that a conversation that begins in this fashion cannot continue. It has nowhere to go. “Mai mee tang” is possibly the world’s greatest conversation stopper. So why introduce it into the conversation at the earliest possible moment?
It has been my experience that somebody who responds to me in the above fashion will always respond in exactly the same manner in every future conversation between us. Even so, such a person usually displays a desire to be friendly with me, but will never talk to me about any subject other than how short of money he or she is. And by the way, the people who follow this line of conversation are not destitute. I perceive all of them to be, and would describe all of them as, neither rich nor poor by Thai standards.
I find it strange when someone responds to my attempt to initiate an informal, friendly conversation in the manner as outlined above. I find it strange that my racial origins can cause someone to steer all conversations between us in a direction that will ensure that our conversations will always stall, that will ensure that we can never get to know one another, that will ensure that there will never be any useful or constructive dialogue between us, and most of all will ensure that we can never develop a friendship. And yet I know that the people who respond to me as above want to be friends with me. Strange, uh?
The next entry on Doodee’s Thailand will look at a popular misunderstanding of the Thai attitude to Westerners. It will be published soon. I hope that you’ll join me then.

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